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Friday, January 6, 2012

Echos are loud this morning

I recently got back from a family vacation...a much needed family vacation...the kids have been working hard in school, my husband has been working long hours and I had been wrapped up in the every day life schedule for a little too long...we all needed a break!  We took off for California in the dead of winter and were immediately refreshed by the warm sun, bright skies and welcoming arms of my brother.  We were able to breathe, relax, and recouperate a bit.  Breathe.  It seems so long since I felt like I could take a full breath and just think for a moment.  But what happened was this...when I took that breath, I was interrupted. 

"Mom, I'm thirsty, do we have any water?"  A simple, innocent enough question, but, to a D Mom, it brings about all sorts of "un-relaxing" thoughts...what is her blood sugar?  Is she running high?  Did I pack the ketone strips?  Where is the bag?  and, Damn.  Yep, D took the ride to California with us, too.  Of course D did.  That's what D does, he comes with us wonder that backseat was so crowded, wtih the four of us back there!  My two daughters, me, and D.  Now he was trying to get in on the vacation.  Darn you D!!

So, of course, I asked my daughter to test herself and she rolled her eyes and sighed.  "Ugh," she said, "I hate Diabetes!  This was supposed to be a vacation!!"  And, my heart sank.  Yes, it was...but here we are, all of us together.  No break from D.  No way.

Most of the time we travel along in our lives and we manage, we cope and we persevere.  We don't let Diabetes get in the way of things.  We go to school, to work, to ski and snowboard, to meetings and parties and we move along.  My daughter, Caitie, she takes it in stride 99.9% of the time, really.  She's my hero the way she handles it.  But, it has been almost twelve years that D has been with us and she would really like him to move out!  Worse than a little brother, he is, always poking his nose in where it doesn't belong!!

I came home with my girls and my husband stayed in California to do some work.  The girls and I flew home and got ready to get back to it.  A site change, unpacking and getting ready for school the next day.  I collected the mail, ran through it quickly and opened the Christmas cards in the pile.  A letter from Children's Hospital was there, we had just been before our trip, but I chose to leave that for the morning, bills could wait one more day.

Exhausted, we crawled into bed that night with happy thoughts of the trip...the beach, the sun, the sights, the laughter (mostly at my expense, by the way, a story that will go down in history...maybe I'll tell you some day...)...Caitie crawled in bed with me, carrying our pup, Leo, just for this one night...or maybe two...  The lights were turned off, darkness surrounded and all was quiet.  Then, "Mom, I'm really thirsty, can I get a glass of water?"
"Hi, D.  I see you've made it home with us." 

After testing, and then dosing, I tucked my baby in.  After she fell asleep I got back up since a check was on its way again soon...I went out to the table and picked up the letter from Children's, might as well.  I opened it and the letter inside told me that one of her tests had come back  "abnormal"...another test needs to be done.  Now D was in my face and I do not like that feeling.  Fear in my heart and in my belly so strong it makes my stomach ache.  Get OUT!  I want to scream.  Leave us alone!! 

But, as any D parent knows, screaming, worrying, fearing the worst...that doesn't do us any good at all.  And, we certainly don't want to let on that we feel that way to our brave soldiers.  So, I have the doctor's number, calling for an appointment today.  I checked and rechecked that night, and she woke up with a 147.  Take that D.  Take that.  I will fight you until you pack up your bags and move out.  I will fight you with every tool I have at my fingers and I will not let you win.  Take that.

To all of you other D parents out there, I know you are with me fighting the fight. There is strength in numbers and I know we hold each other up when needed.  I do think we'll win.  We have to, right?


  1. Ugh! Keep me posted on the tests, Sue. I hope they just messed up the test the first time and everything will come back normal the next appointment. Stay strong. ♥ Beth Kumer

  2. Thanks, Beth. You know I will! Just saw so many blurbs today on the havoc diabetes is taking on people. In the end, the thing is, we are not alone! :)

  3. So sorry to hear about the extra test! Keep us posted. We will be thinking about Caitie (and family) and praying everything comes back just fine.
    Julie Gutknecht

  4. Oh Sue! Please keep us posted. Sending good vibes and prayers your way (((hugs))) Kari

  5. Nothing but good thoughts, always in our hearts!! Hugs and strength sent to you all.

  6. definitely keeping Caitie in our thoughts & prayers, hope it was a false result. hugs Pat