For those of you interest in the type 1 community posts I write, I urge you to follow my new blog, "Footsteps of Hope". www.footstepsofhope.blogspot.com

I've decided to branch off to a special blog for my thoughts and journey through the life of diabetes and hope to continue to add content to both blogs.  For a preview of what my new blog is like, here is the first post:
Footsteps of Hope

There’s been something I’ve wanted to write about for a while now…as the journey goes on, the learning never stops, the morphing into whatever I need to be at the time, that time just keeps ticking away…without a cure.
My daughter has had Type 1 Diabetes now for 13 years.  The “they should have it figured out in ten years” milestone has come and gone…then the “who told you that?” phase was short, moving into, finally, acceptance.   I sit and let the word resonate on my palate like a fine wine.  Then I cry.  For a moment, it seems that hope is lost.  Hope, is gone.
No cure, no end in sight, night after night of praying and tending to the ghost of what might happen if I let my guard down.  More number crunching, more juice boxes bought for the “lifesaving shelf” (I should have bought stock in Juicy Juice!) , more number crunching, an eye on what the next best thing will be to make her life just that little bit more “normal”.  My emphasis switches from relying on hope to relying on the practical items that will get her through the day, make her life better, the practical of Living with Diabetes.  I hate it.  Is this what it is going to be?  Hearing day after day about another child passing away, another struggling with diagnosis and asking, “why?” … The day in and day out of working to make a difference…until, when, exactly?  Bitterness, exhaustion…defeat.
But then…wait…what is that???  If I listen closely enough, I can hear the pitter patter of little feet in the back of my mind…as the steps grow louder and bolder, I recognize this old friend that has helped me time and time again…HOPE.  Oh…I have missed you…HOPE…HOPE!  Hope for a Cure, Hope for a better life, HOPE!
If there is one thing I’ve learned through this journey, it is that without my side-kick, Hope, I am truly lost.  And I will HOPE.
A short story to share the Footsteps of Hope:  We were fortunate enough to be able to include a glucose monitor in our toolbox of “the next best thing to make life better, a little more “normal”…if sticking another device into your child is acceptable to you as “normal” in this life we call diabetes! We received our Dexcom on a Wednesday and decided to wait until Saturday to start so that we could both watch the video and learn together, and, not rush the process.  We were both a little concerned about the “plunger” – manual insertion – as the Minimed had a spring loaded device and that had hurt terribly.  Caitie decided to ice the spot while we watched the video of how to insert the sensor.  (2 minutes,tops!)  I helped with the first one and, being the first time, it was awkward and we didn’t hear the two clicks right away…but got it done.  Caitie said it did not hurt at all! Caitie went to a friend’s house to hang out that evening while we were out with friends.  We picked her up and got home around midnight.  We looked at the CGM and it said 130 with an arrow down.  We tested and the meter said 141.  We discussed a snack, or, were we at the “bottom of the arrow” since her BG was 141.  Caitie said she didn’t feel like she was dropping.  I stayed up another ½ hour to check her again, to see where she was.  At that time the CGM said 140-something (I can’t remember right now!) and so I went to bed and she was asleep. At 4am I heard an alarm and went in to check on her.  I don’t think I heard the alarm the first time, and, Caitie was sleeping right through it all.  I cleared the alarm and got her test kit.  The CGM said 48!I tested and she was 52.  I grabbed two juice boxes and got her to drink them (still sleeping).  I waited 15 minutes and tested her again…51… got another juice box and had her drink that one … she finally started to rouse and was drowsy.  She gave me that teenage look like, “Why are you sticking that straw in my face?!”  Another 15 minutes or so she tested at 78.  I waited a little while longer and she finally was in a safe range.  I think that the CGM saved her life that night.  The very first night of wearing it.  If it wasn’t that, I certainly believe it saved her from having a seizure.  I got goosebumps.  As a parent, I was breathless.  This CGM is a step in the Hope that I have for a Cure…it is a step in the right direction…that there are people out there working to save my daughter. I have been asked, recently, what I wish for my daughter…without hesitation but with tears immediate to my eyes, I whisper, “A Cure”.  I clear my throat, allowing my voice to strengthen, and I again say, to anyone who asks that question, “A Cure.”  Hope brings me closer to that Cure, Hope lifts me out of bed in the morning, through the challenges of each and every day, and Hope is there when I drift off to sleep.  Hope is what I share with my daughter.  How different life would be for all of us if … … …
And, so, I say, Hi, Hope.  Thank you for being beside me until that day comes.  Please don’t ever leave again.

A Whole Lotta Learnin’ Goin’ On…

A Whole Lotta Learnin' Goin' On…

This week has brought about sleepless nights and clarity. Do what you love, love what you do, and if you can't do that…at least do what you think is right.

With the start of school, there are butterflies in the stomach and anticipation in the head…what will this "New Year" bring for us, the students? Some of us are students in the school, but all of us are students in life…the "New Year" has begun with such promise…

As I sit here listening to my freshman giggle in her room while talking to a friend, I am happy for her—freshman year can be rough, but, she came home the other day and told me, "Mom, there's a new girl in my American History class who said that if she didn't know I was a freshman, she would have thought I was a sophomore!!" Smile across her face…grabbing the memory and stamping it in my brain. And the smile crosses my face. Yeah for her!! Self Confidence is a great thing.

My #2, as I call my child in "cyberland" is equally thrilled with school and her teacher. She's 10 years old but she seems to be ready to run things…critiquing the "Open House" where 400 students descended upon the school in 90 degree weather at the end of summer to have their picture taken, and, equally as many cars clogged the streets around the school. "Why didn't they have us come by grade?" Priceless. She's got one a day, for sure. Always a step ahead and it thrills me to see her shine.

And, I too, am growing…on my travels for employment I am learning SO MUCH about myself. Really, so much about who I am and what I believe in. This is good—an added bonus, actually, because I was pretty sure about what I wanted when I started the quest. Amazing what we can learn if we listen, really listen, to our hearts and our conscience.

Now, with a holiday weekend in full swing, I count my blessings, my friends and family, and I have new resolve for my direction. Fantastic. If everything works out, boy, will I have stories to tell!

Two for One…

I had every intention of writing every day. It is a goal, still. However, there may be a moment from time to time where you will get a "two'fer". These will be days where something went awry in my grand scheme of things and I'll relay the delay to you if possible! More often than not, it will come under the category of "the only sure thing about diabetes is that there is no sure thing". This was the case the night before last…

My ten year old lives with diabetes raging an ever present battle in her body. Since she was diagnosed at seven months old, diabetes is our family disease. We need to monitor her blood sugar 24/7, watch for signs of high blood sugar, low blood sugar, illness, etc. My daughter handles this with the grace of a Queen. We, her parents, probably could take a lesson or two! Most of the time we go along the road and stop to take care of things as they happen with little pause or reaction. It is what it is, as my dad says. I adhere to this philosophy whenever possible, and, when I need to, I move on to "He only gives us what we can handle…" Well, the other night was one of those nights where I looked up and wondered, "Really?!" Now, able to look back, I'm finding the humor and yes, really, I could handle it. That was nothin'. Now, I'm not trying to say I need MORE, just, I guess I'm thanking Him for giving me the opportunity to see that we're still dealing with everything, well…okay.

So, here's what happened:

It was a typical night in our house. After a day of swimming, running to and fro and to and fro in what seemed every direction with the kids and their activities, things were starting to quiet down. I grabbed the bag of chips off the top of the frig (where I keep them to make it harder for me to grab them) and sat down to guiltily munch – I know you are NOT supposed to "munch" after 8pm if you are going to ever lose those last ten pounds—but, every now and then, the chips win! Anyway, I sit down, put my feet up and take a breath. About two minutes later, I realize it is really bedtime for the kids and shuffle them off—my teenager, who is in the habit of using this time to discuss what is on her mind, starts to tell me she has been forced into babysitting the next day (by me) and that she doesn't want to. Yes, teenager, I know you do not want to do anything but hang out with your friends and have an ever flowing river from my wallet for movies and McDonalds, but, teenager, I am trying to teach you a valuable lesson and I am going to keep trying…we "discuss" the situation further to the inevitable end of her going into her room to sulk and me moving on to my ten year old, who grabs the growling dog and takes him to bed to "cuddle".

We check her blood sugar, like we do every night, to make sure she is going to bed in a safe range for the night. To my dismay, her meter signals her blood sugar is high and I begin my "oh, darn, it's one of those night's" routine. (Of course, these are NOT the words I use in my mind!!) The routine begins, "Did you have something to eat that we didn't dose (give you insulin) for?" "Is your pump site okay?" "Are you feeling alright?" As in most nights when this happens, there is no concrete reason why her blood sugar is high. So, we give her the insulin she needs and I tuck her in…my night now begins. When she has a wacky number at bedtime, my routine is to then monitor her until things are right. Which means, every hour, I test her blood sugar and make the necessary adjustments, or change her pump site, while she sleeps. I have vowed to let her be a child, to take care of her, for as long as I can. As the night wears on and I become tired, my love and admiration for her props me up—this body is working so hard to make things right, the least I can do is try to help! I do not use an alarm clock, I keep vigil with my routine as my body has learned to adjust to this life.

To make a long story short, I didn't get a whole lot of sleep the other night, so, I was in a bit of a fog yesterday morning! I tell you this story because I hear from so many people that they didn't realize that diabetes isn't something you "put to bed at night" like the child who has it. There is no cure for this disease, the people and the families that live with it, live with it every minute of every day. It can loom, somedays, as if waiting to strike, as blood sugars go wild and children and adults reel in a fog as they try to stay on top of things and come back into focus. It is worth mentioning, I think, that these children and adults who live with this disease with such grace, are my heroes.

A Teenager… My Teenager

My teenager sleeps…and sleeps…and sleeps! She's got scientific evidence that it is what teenagers do, from a teacher at her school. Teenagers have a different sleep pattern than most humans, she tells me. They stay up late, sleep until noon ( if left undisturbed) and wake with a sour taste in their mouth for the day. This sour taste is only remedied by a large bowl of Cocoa Puffs or Captain Crunch. It is amazing to watch!!

If given the proper motivation, a teenager can do amazing things. And, they will, completely surprise you on occasion, I truly think, just for their folly. Take for example, this past evening at our house…

Wait, first, I must give my teenager the credit she is due. It is much from her that I found the courage to start this blog. It is much because of her that I enjoy reading and writing again, too. She's got the gift, and, I guess, in some small way, I'm thinking this is something we share—now, if I tell her this, it will be over. Because, she is a teenager. So, please, keep my secret!

Okay, so, I have been giving this some thought. I have been thinking, should I be writing about my teenager? Not because I think she won't approve or because there is some "privacy" issue, no. But, because, when I listen to some of those moms out there, I wonder…"Really?" Someone's teenager actually cleans their room and does the dishes because it is on a chart on the frig. "Really?!" But, without going down that road too much further, I have decided that yes, I will be writing of my teenager – I will fully disclose that I believe we live in an "Erma Bombeck" environment more so than a "Leave it to Beaver/Wally you're the greatest" environment. So, with that said, I will tell you the story of last night…

My husband and I, a few months back, in the middle of winter, at a fundraiser for JDRF, decided to bid on some Water park passes, thinking this was a magnanimous gesture on our part – giving money to a fantastic cause, and, thinking of our girls and all the fun they'd have at the water park. At the last minute, before the bidding closed, I threw down that last bid to seal the deal! Yes! Victory was ours! Wouldn't this be great?! (*Note to all: when bidding on passes for a water park, see if you can check the expiration date!) Yes, we won. And, this weekend, I took out our tickets with the summer in full bloom and thought we'd plan our trip. I'm a planner, I need to PLAN. The tickets popped out of the envelope all yellow and bright and sunny! This was going to be great! Okay, two passes, ( remember, two passes, that's important) all-inclusive. Expiration date: end of June. Whaaaat?!! Uh-oh. That's three days from now, people!

So, not to be discouraged, I moved into action. Hubby, you're out. Can't go, gotta work. Girls…bring a friend? Go as a "girls day" w/just the girls and me? Ah-ha! I know, let's use this as a wonderful learning experience and pose the situation to the girls (10 and 14) and see what they come up with! I know, you're all shaking your heads. Where were you yesterday when I was trying to be mom of the year with rose-colored glasses on?! To give my hubby credit, he tried to stop me, but, then he said it didn't really matter to him since he wasn't going, so, then, he just watched…

The girls came outside to the gazebo and they were already thinking I was going to assign chores. Yeah! I thought in my little mind, this is great—I am totally going to surprise them and this will be great! So, I gleefully tell them the news! We have two water park passes and we just need to figure out how we're going to use them! Do you want to just hop in the ol' car and go, or, do you want to try to bring a friend along? One thing to consider: the trip must happen either Monday or Tuesday because life is just not that dull around our house that we have more than two days in a row to work with. Chop chop, let's go!! Here's what happened:

My youngest says , in the sweet voice of a ten year old, "I'm good with going with Sarah." A smile wide and bright at the possibility of going to a water park with her sister for the day. But, wait. My oldest says, in just as sweet a voice as the ten year old, "Well, Caitie can take a friend with my ticket. I don't need to go." I'm letting you read that again so it can sink in. In one fell swoop my teenager took my legs out from underneath me. She was being so generous, to her sister…but, wait…her sister is in dismay…no, she just told her sister she would rather not go than spend the day with her at a water park! Wait! This isn't the way it was supposed to turn out…waaaiiiitttt!

Okay, little sister, go get a drink of water, big sister, "What is up?!" Well, it took approximately sixty seconds for my teenager to simply state, she probably wouldn't be able to find a friend on short notice, and, "no offense", she didn't want to spend hours in the car and the whole day with her family. Yeah. No offense taken.

Really, I have gotten used to being shunned in the light of day by my teenager. It is, what some teenagers do to their parents. I know this because I am pretty sure I did this to my parents and this is the proverbial "Payback" they always talked about!! But, my teenager, she's goooood! She used that razor-sharp mind to think through that scenario and realize all the points: all day with her family was inevitable. Not going to happen. And, she was right. We tried to change her mind and quick as a wink she texted the one friend she thought might be able to swing a ticket and permission at the drop of a hat. Lightening fast, the conversation was had, the friend could not go, and, it was down to me and my 10 year old going to the water park. She looked at me with a forlorn gaze. My ten year old doesn't want to hurt my feelings, and, she can't think as fast as the teenager, so, she couldn't think of a friend that could possibly go. And, truth be told, neither could I. Right now she's got one friend on crutches, one with a nasty rash and one out of town. Another who doesn't like big rides..she was doomed. It was me and her, or…

She was brave. She put on that little smile and gave me a huge hug and said she wanted to go with me. It would be a date of sorts. But, I knew…so, I said, let's sleep on it and see how things go. She made one last ditch effort to corral her sister into going with us, but, as teenagers do, mine stood firm. She was kind, though, and just ignored the request, deep in the pages of her latest romance novel.

So, here we are this morning. I could make my girls hop in the car, drive to the water park and I could make them have a good time, darn it! Or, I could crawl in beside my pretending-to-be-sleeping ten year old and whisper in her ear, "How about we wait until the whole family can go? Would you like that?" A smile creeps across her face and she nods her head in agreement, a sigh of relief just so slightly evident to me. I swear to fight the "Family Fun Day" battle another day. I hug her tight, go to my teenager's room, pull up her covers, come out to make coffee and check on the Cocoa Puffs.

My hubby will be happy, too. He loves those waterslides!

Hello World!

Well, I've done it! I have moved into the world of "blogging" and I am hoping that someone finds my musings entertaining, or, even better, useful!

I've been thinking about this for some time...trying to put my love of writing together with my experiences of being a mom to a teenager and a child with diabetes, too. Life is never dull, that's for sure! I'm going to be trying to combine some stories with some great tips and info-let me know what you think! I'll be happy to follow a lead or investigate - education, both on the parenting front and the diabetes front, is close to my heart!

So, my first post...I'm taking my mom's advice and "writing some of this stuff down"! Hope you enjoy the ride as much as I do!